Fuckanomics in the Spotlight

September 23, 2009

One of the economic offshoots of EconGuyinism is fuckanomics. Fuckanomics is, as I’m sure you immediately recognize by name, largely involves a currency conversion between money and sex. Its the calculation many of us usually make at the end of a lousy typical mainstream date (or, what I usually refer to as a “degradate” because of how degrading it is to the participants, especially, usually, to us guys) when we say to ourselves we should have just gone out and hired a hooker instead of wasting all that money on filet mignon and Grey Goose and not gotten laid.

The Father of Fuckanomics, at least to my knowledge, is frequent Monologues commentator Iceman, though his initial conception, back before I was a regular customer of full-service sex, was converting money into full-contact lap dances at Tampa’s legendary Mons Venus strip club. While there has almost always been some variation in price from girl to girl, at the time, Mons Venus lap dances averaged out to about $20. Thus, under Icemans’ analysis, $20 was actually worth one lap dance. When we would say, grab a hamburger together afterward, while the burger may have been listed as selling for $4, Iceman and I would refer to the burger as actually selling for ”a quarter” of a lap dance. Similarly, spending $40 on a shirt would be a waste of 2 perfectly titillating lap dances.

As of late, fuckanomics has been gaining traction, and, though fuckanomics was not mentioned by name, a brilliant fuckanometric analysis was applied recently article in Creative Loafing Tampa by Kelly Cornelius, a woman no less. The article concerned a sexual harassment case against Hillsborough County (Florida) Commissioner Kevin White, who was found liable for sexual harassment for trying to bang a 23 YO during an official county business trip. Damages of $75K were ordered, and the case has also caused the county to incur substantial attorneys’ fees. Applying established principals of fuckanomics, Cornelius figured out that, for the same money, White could have fucked 9.1 local hookers every day for an entire year, instead of trying to but not fucking the 23 YO. The cost has since escalated due to additional attorneys’ fees, settlement demands, or whatnot.

While I compliment Cornelius for her basic approach, I cannot nominate her for the Nobel Prize in Economics. Hopefully, someday, a fuckanometrician, perhaps Iceman, will be given his or her due by the Nobel committee. However, there is a flaw in Cornelius’ analysis. Specifically, she relied upon insubstantial data. The girls that she used as a basis for the conversion were street girls and were actually quite expensive for street girls. One wanted $150, while I have fucked at least one hot 20 (as in two-zero) year-old in my own bed within the past few months for less, and hot 20ish-year-olds can be had all over the Tampa on incall for half-an-hour for only $100. Had White done half-hour incalls, he could have had sex with 13.6 hot 20ish-year-olds a day for a year. Tampa street whores – the girls used in Cornelius’ analysis – can actually be had for only $25: http://www.usasexguide.info/forum/archive/index.php/t-2310.html Had White done street girls – something I don’t do [anymore] but nonetheless an option - he actually could have fucked 54.4 girls.