Monologues’ 2009 “Guy of the Year” Grants Rare Interview
In perhaps the most eagerly-awaited interview on CNBC since the 2008 Warren Buffett interview in the aftermath of the Lehman Brothers collapse, hedge fund legend, minority owner of the Pittsburgh Steelers, and the Monlogues’ 2009 “Guy of the Year” granted a rare interview to CNBC yesterday. His rock star qualities – albeit, bald, New Jersey schlub-chic, middle-aged, overweight rock star qualities – bled through the television screens of America, making the Frost-Nixon interviews seem like a relative snore. Tepper, whose sexual power continues to be refined by Guyinism-affiliated fuckanomists, who have concluded that, at a mininum, Tepper made enough money last year to have sex with every woman in Norway, Sweden, and Finland put together.
David Tepper: "Balls to the Walls" on CNBC
During the course of the interview, Tepper mentioned the word “balls” a few times, once catching himself and apologizing, and then later not. While being humble enough to self-deprecate over his lack of hair, Tepper fully displayed the big balls that has that has made him one of America’s most successful investment gurus, describing his aggressive and successful investment strategies, as well as making liberal use of the euphemism “shit-zou” on television broadcast live to every corner of the globe. It is clear that Tepper is not ready for prime time – which is one of the things that made the interview great, even to any of you – such as just about any high-earning women reading this – who don’t have a penny saved to invest. Indeed, I’ll be a little shocked if the FCC doesn’t come down on Tepper for obscenity.
His interview is a must-watch, in its entirely. It will probably make you money, it will make you laugh, and it will make you proud to be a Guyinist and a reader of the Monologues. CNBC host Joe Kernan admitted having “chills” at getting to meet the Guyinist legend, who won the prestigious “Guy of the Year” award in part because he rubs a pair of brass testicles every morning for good luck. Even New York Magazine took note of Tepper’s Guyinistic humorous admonition to the affable Guyinist Kernan, “[w]e’re not going to the men’s room together.” Tepper not only demonstrated his brilliant grasp of macro-economics and a multitude of investment alternatives, but also – when he dissed marraige and his wife – his rote understanding of Guyinistic principles.
Particularly stay tuned to the end for billionaire Tepper’s brilliant and ironic rendition of Travie McCoy’s hit song, “Billioinaire.”
While I have plans to have sex with porn superstar Jasmine Tame some time over the weekend, my greatest hope is that Tepper is in town for the Steelers/Buccneers game and I’ll run into him and get a Monologues exclusive. Maybe I should hang out at Tampa’s legendary lap dance emporium Mons Venus, and hope to run into him.
Jasmine Tame, marketing herself to me.
What am I saying!? Now that I think about, I haven’t heard from Jasmine since she texted me yesterday morning, and her promised call to me is 21 hours late. I wouldn’t be surprised if Tepper’s been fucking her the whole time, and had Mons Venus shut for the weekend for his private pleasure. How long am I going to have to wait to bang Jasmine, or meet Tepper?
Anyway, you can – AND MUST -watch the interview CNBC’s interview of 2009′s Balls Monlogues Guy of the Year David Tepper in its entirety. It is available by clicking here. In fact, like myself, you’ll probably want to keep replaying it.
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