Take Me Out to the Sapphic Sex Romp

June 27, 2009

With so much of America and my readership in the grip of All-Things-Republican-But-Ron Paul Derangement Syndrome, I’m not defending Mark Sanford – as he was four-square behind Clinton’s impeachment, he does not deserve it.

I just object to the stepped-up misandry in the wake of his “disappearance.” Comments such as this by Gail Collins in the New York Times: “Second, perhaps it is time to rethink the idea of constantly electing middle-aged heterosexual men to positions of high importance.” A similar remark was uttered by serial misandrist Cokie Roberts (http://newsbusters.org/blogs/scott-whitlock/2009/06/05/abcs-cokie-roberts-agrees-sotomayor-women-are-better), whose father made impassioned speeches against desegregation in the 50’s and refused to vote for LBJ’s Civil Rights Bill in ‘64, when she extended the family brand of hate speech on TV, implying that cheating is just a guy thing.

Its not like women and gay guys don’t cheat, too. Lets not forget New Jersey Governor McGreevey. As for broads, their cheating rate, including former Congresswoman Helen Chenoweth ( http://jezebel.com/tag/helen-chenoweth/) is widely-believed to be about 2/3 that of guys – not exactly a massive gender gap. DNA testing is revealing that a tremendous number of husbands are not actually the fathers of their wives’ babies – paternity fraud rates are approaching 30% according to some studies. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paternity_fraud#cite_note-MommySecret-1 Of course, women are notorious for understating the number of sexual encounters, to the point of absurdity. You’ve all known women that understate their number of partners. I’ve known multiple hookers who don’t count it as sex unless they do it with a guy who doesn’t pay – these girls have literally chopped over 1000 guys off their lifetime totals. Here’s one of them: ite.mht (Mea culpa – I used to not count hookers in my total, either - before I came to think they should count as at least double). And, yes, there are even married escorts whose husbands have no idea – I fucked at least one that was engaged with a wedding date set and who married soon afterward. Here she is: ashley.mht (for the record, she requested, and I obliged her with, a serious face blasting, so I don’t think any of my cum directly landed on the engagement ring she was wearing).

Here’s an article by one such cheating dog, Atlantic Monthly contributor Sandra Tsing Loh. http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200907/divorce (of course, by having a career, Loh is actually a double cheater – see She’s cheating on you – why shouldn’t you cheat, too?).

On top of their dalliances with guys, married women often don’t count it as cheating if they have sex with another woman. With girl-on-girl, not to mention girl-on-girl-on-girl-on-girl-on-girl … sex, rapidly eclipsing baseball as the national pasttime, its quite likely that women now cheat more than guys if cheating is defined to include having one’s vagina licked by someone other than your husband or steady while you have one. When a guy has lunch with a woman that’s not his wife, eyebrows are raised and people whisper. When a couple of, or three or five, broads leave the office for lunch to go back to one of their houses and whip out the vibes to use on each other, no one suspects. They should.

So, lets put things in perspective, even for a decidedly unGuyinist schmuck like Sanford. He’s just another tall, rich, at-least-decent-looking, famous guy cheating on a not-hot middle-aged broad he probably didn’t love in the first place. His job, like nearly all jobs in politics, is nowhere near as important as it sounds – like most politicians, his real job is - irrespective of right and wrong and the best overall policy – hoodwinking us into thinking his job is important and he is good at it so he can move up to another office, enriching his friends, and setting himself up to cash in as a lobbyist using his insider connections to facilitate “public” service. Governor of South Carolina? What was happening in South Carolina that was so important the few days he was gone that it couldn’t wait? There probably hasn’t been anything in South Carolina urgently requiring the Governor’s physical presence since the first shot of the Civil War – its not like the New Jersey National Guard was about to put down the pizza pie and attack Charleston. Some governor’s can’t get bills passed – Sanford’s vetos can’t even survive. hollyvideo.mpg hollyvideo.mpg hollyvideo.mpg hollyvideo.mpg hollyvideo.mpgAnd in this era of modern communications, until I hear otherwise, I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt that he was carrying with him a smartphone with RSS feeds informing him of anything that may have been going on of importance in South Carolina, not to mention presumably reading his email, online South Carolina newspapers, and probably some Tweets.

Finally, if Sanford wasn’t an inmate in the marriage prison, and if we had a guys’ right to choose, would this have ever happened? All those emails, traveling all the way to South America to get laid? C’mon. We don’t need more broads in public office – we just need more broads allowed to sell sex.

What if this had happened to George Washington? You don’t think he was ever out -of-pocket for five lousy days?

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