or Tepper could have sex with 8 million women

December 30, 2009

The Wall Street Journal recently ran an article describing what The Balls Monologues Guy of the Year, David Tepper (Tepper + balls = $7 billion and Guy of the Year), could purchase with the $7 billion his hedge fund, Appaloosa Management, earned in 2009 (What Is on David Tepper’s Holiday Gift List This Year?, December 22, 2009).

Among the items the article cited:

-power tool company, Black & Decker, which sold last month for $4.6 billion to Stanley Works, and as a stocking stuffer, Chattem Inc, the maker of Gold Bond foot powder and dandruff shampoo, which cost about $1.9 billion

-the world’s tallest building, the 160-story Burj Dubai, which cost an estimated $4.1 billion to construct

-he could buy the $2.5 billion of Treasury-held warrants in KeyCorp and the $3.5 billion of warrants in Regions Financial Corp.

Alternatively, the Journal article stated that he could wipe out Tanzania’s $6.1 billion debt or Somalia’s $5.5 billion and have enough left over to clean out Namibia’s $800 million of loans.

Notably, the Journal failed to perform a fuckonometric analysis. As you may recall, fuckanomics, an offshoot of EconGuyinism, involves a currency conversion between money and sex (Fuckanomics in the Spotlight). Just as currencies used to be tied to value of hard-assets such as gold and now float against each other, fuckanomics recognizes that the ultimate hard asset is sex.

Of the $7 billion his hedge fund made, Tepper personally made $2.5 billion. For purposes of simplification, by using a marginal tax rate of 35%, at the widely-available rate of $200 to fuck a hot chick in the United States, Tepper could use that money to have sex with approximately 8,125,000 women, a number approximately equal the entire female population of Sweden (roughly 4.5 million women). Plus the entire female population of Norway (roughly 2.4 million women). Plus the entire female population of Finland (roughly 2.7 million women).

That’s right, he could fuck the equivalent of every woman in Scandinavia, not counting Denmark – which doesn’t look like its in Scandinavia, anyway.

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