She’s cheating on you – why shouldn’t you cheat, too?

February 11, 2009

“What?” you say. How do I know your wife is cheating on you? Millions of guys are reading this - I know what you are thinking – I am DirkJohanson - godlike, but not actually God – how could I possibly know that each of your wives are cheating? That’s not what the statistics say.

I know.

Follow me.

The traditional marriage arrangement was basically this: a guy was the financial provider, and the woman was the sex provider. The guy agreed to give up sex with all other women the rest of his life, and agreed to live within the sexual boundaries and limitations set by his wife. In turn, the woman eschewed all sources of employment and financing, and agreed to live within the financial boundaries of the husband, or at least what he was willing to dole out.

Of course, there were some other details to the arrangement: most obviously, since sex rarely takes more a few minutes a day but providing financially for a family takes nearly limitless hours, there was a general understanding that, well, lady, instead of just laying around, if you wouldn’t mind doing a little sweeping and, hey, perhaps preparing a warm meal so I have the strength to go out and work and earn some more for you and the kids you wanted …

But, basically, at its core, marriage was an exchange of resources for sex, with both commodities entirely limited by what one’s spouse was able or willing to provide.

Fast forward to 2009 – according to a recent report, “[w]omen are poised to surpass men on the nation’s payrolls, taking the majority for the first time in American history. http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/06/business/06women.html?_r=1&scp=1&sq=payrolls%20women&st=cse Of course, women also now have credit cards, and get money from their parents which they don’t turn over as dowry. Perhaps most sickening, women en masse also get cash back at the supermarket (for those of you not in the know, practically every supermarket in America asks women, and not once me, at checkout if they want up to $200 cash back on their purchase, so they can claim to their husbands that they spent $x dollars at the supermarket by groceries when in fact a substantial portion of what appears on the credit card bill, bank statement, or check register was embezzled by the wife from her husband and blown on even DirkJohanson doesn’t know what).

Yeah, I’m sure some of your wives make good coin, but do you actually get to spend any of it? And doesn’t that also give her hand in case she’s chooses an exit strategy, just as if you were already banging another chick before walking out?

What does all this mean? Remember, sex for us guys is tantamount to money for women. Yes, that means that your wife is cheating on you – in fact, if she’s getting cash back, and I’ll bet she is, she’s not only cheating from you, she’s stealing from you, and if you don’t believe me, ask her to bring you the receipts.

See, I told you your wife is cheating: as I said, I know – do any of you disagree?

What’s good for the gander is good for the goose.

Of course, you don’t want to end up like Judge Stringer.

That’s why guys need a right to choose.

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