Who is DirkJohanson?

January 18, 2009

DirkJohanson is a sexpert living in Florida, who still wouldn’t mind setting down with a nice Jewish girl in her 30s, getting married, and living in New Jersey.

Just kidding!! I’d rather die.

Although I wouldn’t know from personal experience, its tough being a girl. Imagine if you could have lots of easy casual sex with strippers until you turn 30, but after that, you’re stuck having to service a fat chick three times a week for the rest of your life. That would be a bitter pill to swallow, but that’s exactly what its like for them. 15% of guys have 85% of all heterosexual sex. Girls spend their lives thinking they have hot boyfriends, only to find out those guys each have five or six other girlfriends.

You, as a guy, know that chances are, the girl you pick up with her beer goggles on isn’t going end up being your wife. While I’ve occasionally been able to pick up a hot chick drunk and stumbling at closing time, chances are, you, like me, lower your standards to get what little easy free sex you can get.

That having been said, that’s life. They could be nice about it. It ain’t easy being a guy sometimes, but you don’t hear us rant all over the media like they do.

Until now, that is. This blog, writing it, reading it, and commenting on it, will show the women of America that we’ve listened and the average guy is fighting back in the War of the Sexes that they’ve been mounting for decades. What’s good for the goose should be good for the gander.

Now, at a minimum, you will be armed with the knowledge that someone is challenging their media attacks and cuntcentric logic.

This blog is for you, the average guy, just like me. For you, the middle manager, or even the rich ugly guy, or awkward rich guy. If you’re Derek Jeter, you don’t need this blog – in fact, Derek, please stop reading here, because you’ll probably want to sue me if you keep reading.I realize this blog paints with a broad brush, or, perhaps more accurately a brush intended for nasty broads. My sympathies really are to all the wonderful, sweet women there really are in this world aside. I will parrot the biased certitude of the diva rant style the female sexperts and relationship columnists have made famous. Except for some minor lip service, for the remainder of this blog, regular guys will be portrayed as nothing but good, and good-looking broads under 50, well, not so much.

This is our blog, for once – the revolution starts here. If you think reading this will get you in trouble with the women in your life since your girl will consider these ideas less acceptable than porn or a threesome since the truth, after all, hurts the most, rip off the cover, deny you ever even heard of it and erase it from your web page history, but in the meantime, enjoy.If we publicly exclaim what we truly believe in mixed company, we fear being shunned, branded, labeled a misogynist, labeled a pig, losing our current relationships, losing our jobs, losing female friends, and losing out on sex. I watch this happen to just about any guy that speaks for himself and other guys on on blogs. Moreover, we know truly how few women out there are available to the average guy and worth marrying, and we know are chances of finding one of the few women who could be “the one” are slim enough to begin with. We can’t take a chance that somehow what we write will be out there and fall on her ears, whoever she is, strike her wrong, and narrow that list even further, so we’re careful and remain silent.I’ve been told that if my real identity is exposed, I’ll be shot by a woman, or lynched by an all-female mob. I don’t claim this blog should merit an award for being the be all and end of all of men’s sex and relationship advice – that, of course, will go to the writer who can empower us to be able to do a steady stream of 15-year olds without getting caught. However, this blog will empower us. You may be asking yourself why you should listen to me. Well, a lot of the reason is that I am an overchiever, as you will learn. I’m 46, 5?9?, make little more than $65,000 per year, and yet I continue to manage to sleep with a lot of hot chicks, and bring several of them to swing club orgies where I have met even more. I got paid to be in a porn movie, and my last girlfriend of more than a few weeks is a career prostitute who is now married to a mogul. But the most important thing is that I am a regular guy like you.Do you really want to take your dating tips from a guy whose obviously got it all, someone like hip-hop star Usher. Here’s what he’s got to say:Taking dating tips from Usher (Time magazine,11/05, as per http://entertainment.tv.yahoo.com/entnews/ap/20051120/113252556000.html), Women love compliments, you know what I mean? Buy her a drink,” he said. “Talk to her about whatever it is that she wants to talk about. As long as you keep her laughing, you got it”As you guys know, this may be a great strategy to assuage a woman’s concerns that a rap superstar doesn’t consider her road beef, but for the average guy, a compliment is suicide – a put-down is far more effective – ask David DeAngelo.

Those of us who aren’t rap superstars and aren’t particularly tall or rich know that broads consider humor, and for that matter just about any expressions of humanity, as a weakness when not coming from the likes of a rich, famous, black man. Don’t listen to Usher, or Derek Jeter, or Justin Timberlake, or George Clooney – listen to me – I, DirkJohanson, am one of you.

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